If you answered an emphatic yes to all of the above questions, you can rest assured that you are a good parent and deserve a pat on the back. But technically, it fits a description many people are unaware of – a style known as ‘overparenting’. How can you find out that you are guilty of this?
I was reminded of a quote from Andre Agassi when I had the opportunity to interview him. “The mark of good parenting is making children independent and not needing us every step of the way into their future,” he said. Very pithy line that got me thinking. Are we guilty of raising children in a world full of bubbles?
Parenting is all about providing a safe cocoon for them, motivating them and pointing them in the right direction. But over the years, there has been an urge among parents to ‘do what’s best for their kids’ and in that process, we have started to fear and avoid failures – for the sake of the kids, and for ourselves, the parents. in the form of.
Why over-parenting does more harm than good
I know what you’re thinking. “Can caring for our offspring be considered harmful?”, you may wonder. Actually, it’s true.
Often referred to as helicopter parenting, over-parenting can hinder a child’s self-confidence and ability to make their own decisions as they grow up. They always look back to you for help and acceptance, which may not be possible at every stage of life. He is not everything. Experts say that children who are raised in an overly authoritarian parenting style also tend to have a less realistic view of the world around them. Their problem-solving and decision-making abilities are affected and they are afraid to try new things, fearing failure, which keeps them away from their peers. Is this the ideal future we want to create for our Gen Alpha children, who are otherwise stronger and more confident than us, the Millennial generation?
How to stop over-parenting
Be open to mistakes and consequences:
Parents need more convincing here than kids! Let them fail. Nothing teaches you better than your own mistakes. Crushed knees are the sign of a kid who plays well and learns more in the process. Once they understand that they are responsible for their consequences, their actions take a different and more responsible turn.
Do not over sanitize children:
Like physical immunity, mental immunity is also built slowly and as parents, we need to work on it. It’s impractical, and not even recommended, to clean every surface or opportunity for our kids. Be there to catch them if they fall, and guide them if they feel lost, but don’t be there to stop them from falling. Guide them and involve them in small household chores, it is okay for kids to sweat a little at home. They’ll learn a lot of valuable life skills that way.
Control the impulse to blame and teach children to take responsibility for their actions:
Here is a common view. When a child stumbles and falls, you may find that an overprotective parent or grandparent caresses the child and hits the floor hard to make the child stumble. As ‘caring’ may sound, it teaches children from an early age not to take responsibility for their own actions and to shift blame. Avoid such practices from the start, and teach your kids to be more careful and not fall, rather than blaming the floor (or someone else).
Teach your kids that it’s okay to be vulnerable:
Yes, we want our kids to see that we are perfect in everything we do. But when they constantly see it, they don’t know what the other side of perfection looks like. As we grow up, when we make small mistakes, or if we consider something as our weakness, learn to admit it in front of your kids and tell them why you did it. Of course, this needs to be done with discretion, but when children see that you are more human than the idealized image they have in their mind, they learn more from watching you than from anything else. Create and connect with your kids in a more authentic way.
Don’t be a problem solver all the time:
In most households, mothers play the role of problem-solvers 24*7. Sock missing? Mother knows where he is. Missed your lunch box at home? Mom goes to school to hand it over to you. This has to change, especially as the kids get older. When my girls need help with their homework or assignments from me, I love to be involved, but I give them a moment to think before rushing to me for an answer. Those few crucial moments where they try to fight their own fire will go a long way in preparing them for the future. Let them face the consequences. Be there for them, but not for every little thing or mistake they make. That way, they’ll never learn to get up again.
Go ahead and make changes to your parenting style to ensure that you are doing the best for your children, not only today but in the long run! Happy parenting!